To Be an Ogre
by Georgiaish
Summary: Fiona wakes up in the night to find Shrek gone. Set in Shrek 2 after Shrek has left to go hunting with Harold. Short oneshot on Fiona's thoughts about their whole situation in Far, Far Away.


**So, this is my first Shrek fanfiction! I watched the films the other day and simply couldn't resist! It takes place during the second film, just after Shrek has left for the early morning hunt with Harold. Fiona awakes to find him missing and these are basically her thoughts.**

**Disclaimer – I don't own Shrek or anything that you recognise. It all belongs to its respective owners. **

The sheets beside me are still and cold, void of the usual warmth that should inhabit the empty space. Shrek hasn't come back yet, and the worry has me wide awake, thinking as I haven't in years. Sleep deprived thoughts; I've become accustomed to the scenarios they create but tonight they are raw, and I can't escape the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, the fear that Shrek has gone.

The faint chiming of the grandfather clock informs me that it is a little past five, and the room is dark and still. The light of the moon throws shadows onto the walls around me and I can make out shapes; towers and brimstone, all unmoving as I stare at them.

I haven't slept alone for over three months, but with Shrek beside me, keeping my demons at bay, it seems like the years of isolation are nothing but a distant memory, kept a dim haze at the back of my mind. Tonight the door in which they are concealed has been torn open and the silence that haunts me has been unleashed and remains stale in the room. Too awake to even attempt to sleep, I throw the sheets back and step out of my old bed.

Nineteen years. Thousands of nights spent like this one, alone and waiting, stood in the dark of the night with nowhere to go, but no reason to stay where I stand. Shrek could be anywhere, anywhere in the entire kingdom and I am stood with nothing to do but wait. The thought brings tears to my eyes, and my vision blurs.

It was a mistake to bring him here, I realise that now, but a part of me believed that dad would give him his blessing and welcome us in with open arms. He thinks I've made a mistake by marrying Shrek, I don't doubt everyone in the kingdom does. But I love him, and he loves me for who I am; thinks I'm beautiful as I am, in my true form. I am an ogre, was always destined to be an ogre and do not regret the decision to become an ogre.

Drawing a deep breath, I walk a few steps away from the bed to try and clear my thoughts and bring me back to reality. Out of the corner of my eye I see an open book atop my desk and as I pick it up and run my fingers over the smooth embroidered cover, I recognise it as my old diary; written over twenty years ago before I was locked away.

"_Mrs Fiona Charming"_

The words are written in bold, child-like handwriting and the same phrase repeats torturously on practically every page. I smirk at the ignorance I had even as a child; I was indoctrinate from a young age to believe that I would be saved by a handsome prince and live happily ever after. With a smile, I realise that I got half of my dream.

As I close the book and place it back on the shelf, I realise that it hadn't been out last night. Shrek.

He must have read it. What must he think? Surely he can't have taken the infatuation of a seven-year-old girl seriously? But _where is he?_ He had been so angry last night and defensive, but he can't have just walked out in the middle of the night. He wouldn't do that. He must have gone at some point during the night, and will be back soon. It's not like him to just up and… leave.

I turn away from the desk and walk over to the fireplace where toy dolls inhibit the marble top. With a pang of disgust, I notice the slayed ogre under the blade of the toy knight and wonder if Shrek had seen it too. It'd upset him so much, to think that this is how I feel about ogres, about being an ogre. I flick the knight over and pick up the soft ogre toy, leaning it affectionately against the princess doll that dad had had especially made to look like me on a birthday so many years ago. It creates a quite a picture; the princess holding out a handkerchief leaning and being leant on by an ogre nearly twice her height.

I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss being human, I do sometimes; I often don't feel like myself in this form but then Shrek is always there to tell me how beautiful I am, even if I don't see it myself. But I always believe him when he says it. We're happy together, and I guess I expected mum and dad to except that straight away and be pleased for us. Coming back here has made me realise how judgemental humans can be; when it was just me and Shrek, we could've been dwarfs and it wouldn't matter, as long as we had each other. But humans take one look at an ogre and run; I did myself when I first saw Shrek. If someone had told me then that I'd be married to him and had chosen to remain an ogre myself, I'd not have believed them.

I need to find Shrek, now, and take him back to the swamp. Last night was an eye-opener; dad isn't going to give Shrek his blessing and being here is only hurting him, and me. We're ogres and we're happy, that's all that matters.

I just hope I haven't left it too late.


End file.
